Shadows

I've spent my life living behind some pretty wide shadows. Not physically wide, of course, my brother can play hide and seek with a 2x4. But, you know what I mean. In two weeks, these shadows come together in what I alternately refer to as the perfect day and the perfect storm, depending on the kind of day I'm having.

The Bryan family is gearing up for our first family reunion in years. And, like all family events, the reunion begins at church. On August 10th, I will be guest preaching at Missouri United Methodist Church in Columbia, MO. Not only will this be the largest congregation to which I preach, but included in this congregation will be Bishop Monk Bryan, Rev. Jim Bryan, and Rev. Andy Bryan. And, since the Bishop Bryan will be in attendance, there's a good chance that the Bishop Schnase will be there.

This is clearly the biggest preaching day of my career. And while my sermon has been written for quite awhile, this is the most nervous I have ever been before any particular proclamation.

Let us dwell in the shadows for just a moment.

It is difficult enough to be a younger child. By virtue of age alone, your older siblings get things done before you. They graduate sooner, get jobs sooner, have children sooner. But, my brother Andy is no ordinary older sibling. An honor student, actually a rediculous honor student that worked hard and loved school. A proficeint musician. A "well-behaved" kid. Just about everything a parent could want in a child. And, a hero. One of the most profound moments of my life is seeing my brother cry after returning from a vacation and learning that his dog, Jackie, had died in the kennel while we were gone. Seeing my Superman break down tore me down. But what I was too young to know then was that my brother, instead of proving himself not a man, was redefining for me what it is to be a man. I actually wrote an essay for english about it called "Does Superman have super-emotions, too?" Sometimes, I can resent my brother. The pride in our parents' face, and specifically Daddy Monk's (that's the Bishop, our grandfather) presence at his ordination service. The collection of communion plates and chalices that mostly come from Grandfather's collection. The fact that Daddy Monk wants Andy to have his old piano even though he already has one. But, always, I love my brother. I am proud to be his brother. And I want him to be proud of me. And, there he'll be on Sunday morning, hearing the word from me.

Then there's Dad. Everything I know about being a man, being a pastor, being a husband (in 300 days), comes from him. Dad is a well-known, well-liked, well-respected elder in the Missouri Conference. A delegate to General and Jurisdictional conference numerous times. Exceptionally successful for a pastor. I live to make him proud. And I'll be preaching from his pulpit in two weeks.

I don't really need to go very deep into explaining why having Monk Bryan for a grandfather can be hard. I'm preaching at his old church, where he is the pastor emeritus. He's been going to Annual Conferences for 90 years, he was bishop of Nebraska. He is HUGE in the United Methodist Church.

So, yeah, little Brad has had a lot of shadows to deal with. I dream of the day that I can introduce myself at Annual Conference as Brad Bryan. Not Andy's brother, or Jim's son. I can't wait to have an interview with the Board of Ordained Ministry (the folks that kind of hold my career in the palms of their hands) that doesn't start with "I knew your Grandfather".

But as I get older, the shadows that seemed to hide me, the one big giant carrot held out before me that it seemed I would never reach, have become the trusses that hold me up, my bulwark never failing. I am not my brother, nor my dad. Although I have learned from them, I am a very different person. And I know that no one expects me to be anybody but myself, but the shadows of legacy will always be there.

Our family has been blessed to be able to be involved in God's work for generations, but I, just like my father, will tell my children that under no circumstances should they become pastors.

I am proud of my family, I am proud to be a part of it. But, I want people to respect me, my gifts, and my call. In two weeks, at my father's current church, my grandfather's former church, with my brother doing music and my grandfather baptizing my sister's son, Braeden, I hope that I can show them, but mainly myself, that I can stand on my own two feet.

Monk, Cornielle, Glenn and Carmen's grandson, Jim and Caryl's baby boy, Andy and Stephanie's little brother, Cori, Wes and Braeden's uncle and Fiona's dad, Bradley James Bryan.