Facts

Months after the attacks of 9/11, Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld-Powell, found and displayed clear and unquestionable evidence that not only had Saddam Hussein been involved in planning the attacks, he was currently producing and stockpiling weapons of mass destruction.

Iraqi people would clearly welcome any force offering them freedom from this oppressive dictator, and the US had a duty to answer.

After the shock and awe beginning of the war, a tactic that in no way purposely targeted civilian positions, stories of heroism flowed in: from the clandestine, Tom Clancy resque of Jessi Lynch to the heroic sacrifice of pro-football player Pat Tillman. These great acts of heroism culminated in the end of the fighting in Iraq, declared by President Badasss in a flight suit on a aircraft carrier.

The fighting, just like he said, did stop. The killing of Saddam's sons and the ultimate capture of the dictator himself, defeated the insurgents resisting liberation and the people of Iraq sung our praises.

The fighting, somehow, came back, but the US was, of course, prepared-country of Boy Scouts that we are. The administration took the smartest road possible: take troops out of Afghanistan and Pakistan, where clearly no one important to the extremists was hiding in the mountains, and flood them into Iraq. This move again, was a great success.

The reporting of the war has been absolutely fair and balanced and truthful. The pentagon's program to partner each press agent with a "marine buddy" provided the press the freedom they needed to report with outstanding journalistic integrity. The pentagon, wisely, requested that names, faces and numbers of the dead US soldiers be left out of the press; national secruity was at stake.

As the war comes to a swift end, the Iraqi people are more than ready to run and maintain a secure democracy, having had great experience, opportunity and education in the work of politics under the previous government. The American diplomats are more than capable to bring the sectarian violence to an end, due to their vast knowledge of the religion and history of the region. Iraq will be just fine!

Back at home, our veterans, many who rightly joined the service after 9-11 because the commander and chief had given his word that US justice is swift and sweeping and always righteous, will be treated with the utmost respect, given the best medical care our nation has to offer and provided for for the educational opportunities they missed by boldly following our Commander into battle.

The attacks of 9/11 have been answered justly, the culprits brought to justice, the planners stopped from planning another attack. The people of Iraq are free, are liberated, and now feel completely safe to send their kids to the high quality schools, go to work in their not-destroyed office buildings, eat Whoppers, shop at Target and buy enormous gas-guzzling monstrosities from America...just like they've always wanted!!

April Fools,
BB