I Am THE REV!!

Sitting on the dock, I expect the stars to rearrange themselves and say "Brad, this is your mission..." I wait for the Lady of the Lake of the Ozarks to rise from the water and hand me either a Bible or some drum sticks.

Of course, nothing happens. I sit on the dock with my wood tip cigars and a bottle of wine, wondering what the hell I'm gonna be when I grow up. And nothing happens.

Well, I've come to a decision anyway. Inspired by my brother's recent blogs concerning the ordination papers, I have thought about this in essay form since I might have to write one anyway someday.

I'm going to take a part-time senior pastor position, stay in KC and finish school. I'm going to do this for four reasons.
1. The reasons I don't fit in within the church are the very things I want to change about the church. They are the very things that millions of young adults find wrong with the church. I want to change the church, or at least have a part in changing the church, to make the church (buzzword alert) relevant. Young adults aren't mad at the church, it's not that they don't believe in God, or have any overt disdain for the church. They just don't care. And, honestly, there's not much for them to care about. I want to be a part of the changing of the church, and not in the role of a lay leader...from within.
2. I'm good. Let's just throw modesty to the wind for a second...I'm good. You give me a Bible verse and a time of year and I can give an impromtu sermon that'll leave you in tears. I talk good. But it's not just that I can string some pretty words together that kind of make sense, I can read people. I know when "Fine" is EXACTLY how people are feeling and I know when there's more to the story. I can pretty much guess what makes a person tick within a few minutes of conversation. I can't deny these gifts. And, I can't go on the rest of my life wanting to preach again. I love preaching, coming up with an idea, delivering something from my heart to their heart, I love it. And, I'm good. I am the Rev.
3. What does it say about me as a man and as a person if I simply give up after one bad experience? When things get hard, you don't just tuck tail and run away whimpering. I've never thought that and I'd never teach that. If you fall off, you get back on, and if you fall off again, you get back on, and if you fall off again...well, then maybe its time to try something else. But one bad album (No Code-Pearl Jam) doesn't define a band's lifespan (Ten, VS, Vitalogy, Yeild, Binarual, Riot, Pearl Jam-Pearl Jam). And one bad fit at a church won't define mine.
4. There's a reason that the fourth reason is fourth. It's the least important, but it's still a reason.(Kind of like the WNBA of reasons-eh, Mustoe?) It's a good job, and, right now, it seems to be the only GARAUNTEED job around. None of the churches I talked about with Steve are a step back and most of them are a step up. Pay check, benefits, housing, I'd get to keep my place, and I'd get to do what I love. I'm never, NEVER, going to find a job where I don't have to sacrifice something to be able to do something I love. As I told mom, if I were a postman, I'd get to listen to music all day...but, I'd have to walk. So, being a preacher is a good job. I don't know how good it is when you're not living on your own with no family to support. But, right now, 30,000 sounds like a hell of a lot of money.

So, there you have it. I'm staying in the game and I feel good about it. I'm going to find my place in "the life", or I'm going to make it. Steve tells me of a young man about thirty years ago who didn't feel like he fit the mold of pastor, who had some pretty outspoken feelings about the church and the nation, and who found his way to become a great pastor and be authentically and genuinally himself. I wonder who that could be.

I don't say that to bring up the whole "legacy" issue. I'm just saying, it's been done before and that gives me hope.

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts and wishes. My last day at Central is Sunday, Dec. 31st 2006. Oh, and by the way, I'm preaching that Sunday, you might not want to miss it!

Love, Grace, Peace
B