The Perfect Storm

Adulthood can be delayed, but not avoided.

A perfect storm happens, as in the underrated film of the same name, when two or more powerful weather systems collide and join forces.

In a total span of five weeks, May 15th to June 25th, I will 1) graduate from St. Paul School of Theology, 2) be married to Lindsey and 3) be commissioned as an provisional elder in the United Methodist Church.

I have been a student for 20 of my 26 years. This is part of the delaying of my adulthood; going straight from a high school student to a college student to a graduate student. I don't know how NOT to be a student. I don't mean the kind of life-long, everything's a lesson kind of learning. I don't know what it looks like to not be enrolled in school. And, because of a few past mistakes, I have a more-than-full load of courses all of which require exemplary performances between now and diploma time.

The pressures and stresses of simply planning a wedding aside, becoming a married person is the biggest thing I've ever done with my life. I am thrilled to have Lindsey in my life and to be a part of hers, and I am ready to give my whole self to her. But, its stressful enough when two lives become one, two houses, two families, two bank accounts, two places to spend the holidays; add to that the uncertaintanty of an itinerant pastor's life, of really not knowing where our first house as a couple is going to be until weeks before we're married, and the unfair expectations placed on pastors' spouses by congregations, pastors, cabinets and bishops. And, lurking behind the scenes and far ahead in the future, is the thought of fatherhood, of starting a family. I want to be a father, but I'm still a child.

Commissioning should mean answering God's call in my life to serve the least, last and lost, becoming part of a tradition, both ecclessial and familial, of life devoted to the love of God and neighbor. Unfortunately, commissioning means paperwork, interviews and stress. I go into this process wanting to be true to myself and to my theology that has been formed through 26 years of experience and study, but also terrified of saying the one wrong thing that will end this journey. I go into this process meticulously parsing each syllable of my answers to the Board, not to gain a better self-understanding and be better prepared for ministry, but so I'll pass the test. Commissioning means, probably, a new full time position and while I know the cabinet and the bishop strive with every appointment to consider the gifts and graces of each pastor, the needs and contexts of each congregation and the lives of each family, they can still send me, and Lindsey, anywhere. Anywhere! Not only do I feel called to ministry in Kansas City, my future spouse, the woman to which I'm willing to give my whole self, is succesful here and has worked hard for 12 years to get where she is. And they could send us anywhere? When I take my vows I will affirm and support the itinerant system of the United Methodist Church, just like I will follow the church's stance on ordination and marriage of homosexual persons for as. But that won't mean that I will suddenly stop thinking that our church structure, system and stances are in need of serious reform or stop hoping to be a part of that reformation.

Graduation May 15th. Wedding May 23rd. Annual Conference June 6th. Appointments June 28th. The Perfect Storm.

Let me be clear:
My seminary education has been an overwhelming blessing. The people it has brought into my life, the people with which I have been able to learn, the growth and fruition of an identity as a pastor. Unbelievable stuff.

I love Lindsey with all of my heart, I am ready to be her husband, I thank God everyday for the love, challenge, support, guidance, comfort and laughter that she brings me. I could not be more excited to become Bradley James CoreyBryan, as confusing as that may be to the people who already get my name wrong.

I am prepared and excited, bursting at the seems actually, to begin the next phase of God's ministry in my life. Simply being allowed to preach and teach and sing the love of God in Jesus Christ, to care for the children of God and to be a part of creating the kingdom of heaven on this earth (no, I don't mean bringing about war in Israel, Pastor Hagge) is an astonishing, awe-provoking, embarrassing, overflowing joy.

Sometimes joy can be terrifying. Especially for a shoe-gazer like me.

I hope this sheds some light on my blogging absence as of late. There's been some other things on my mind.

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal. I am thine and thou art mine. So be it. Whatever may come, so be it.

Peace, B