My Life's One Regret

I'm usually not one for self-reflection. I like to think of myself as a stoic, take things as they come, instinct kinda guy. But, this week I've been thinking a lot about my past, present and maybe future.

So, Vee(that's Lindsey's middle name, by the way) and I went to see Martin Sexton on Friday night. He and his opening act, the Trevor Hall Band, were great. He was, actually, unbelievable. The guy used to be a street player, you know, those guys on the Plaza or hanging out in front of the Cherry St. Artisan in CoMO. Just a guy, a guitar, and a cheap little amplifier. Now, he tours the country, has a small but strong and loyal fan base, just a guy, a guitar, and a fancy sound system. Anyway, it got me thinking, I really wish I would have done something with my bands.

I've been in three bands, with a couple of projects that were little more than two guys in a basement. First was Golgotha, Todd Monroe, Sam Giffith and me. Our biggest show, Barnswings, Ozark MO. Then Preserve with some college guys from a pentecostal church but they loved Pearl Jam and U2 and played like them. Our biggest show, playing for one of their church rallys. In between there, Tom and I wrote one song in his basement. OK, one song, but it was a good song, if not a little ripped off from our favorite band at the time, Tool. Our biggest gig, Tom's family and recording our one song onto cassette tape.

Then I went to college, met Adam Caldwell, Ray Malik and our red haired, stage fright ridden quaterback. I don't know what our name was, or if we had one, but our biggest show was the Halloween party in the basement of Woodward Hall.

Then, Adam Mustoe, Ryan McClouth and wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaddddddeee! came to school and Blessed was born. wwwwwwwwwwwade decided to go be more man than any of us ever will and build trucks with his bare hands or something, and Jamie Diffee, a far better bassist and all around cooler guy joined the mix. Our biggest show, almost 2,500 screaming teenagers and an $1,000 pay check.

I gotta tell ya, we were good. With no real sound, no real style, and really no rehersals, we were good. We could've been great, we could've been contenders.

I'm playing music now with Jen Klein, another pastor, and my brother(something I never thought i'd get the honor of doing) and everytime we play I'm reminded of how much I miss being in a band. Writing songs, perfecting them, performing them. That's it. I don't think I've ever felt as truly in my element, so completly myself, as when we rocked the end of "Blessed" for about 7 minutes at our first WOW. I don't think I've ever felt as whole as when Mustoe said "freeze" and 2,500 hundred screaming teenagers actually did what he said. That place blew up. I don't think I've felt as accomplished as when I heard my own drums on, first of all, cassette with Tom and then CD with Blessed.

So, there it is. I regret, my life's only one, that we didn't try harder in these bands. Really just Tom and Blessed. I miss being in a band, I miss creating music, I miss playing on stage, I miss kids buying my broken and signed drum sticks for 21 dollars. I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, and that's fine. But I hope I do.

I know it's only rock and roll, but I like it,
Brad Bryan, Drummer